I love you too, drunk guy

Preface: Since there are two types of people who read this that I could possibly offend, let me start with a disclaimer.
A.) Mom, Dad, I gotta write. I know racy humor is hard on ya, but this is my reality, so we all gotta laugh.
B.) Bar Regulars, I do love you. And if you have this site, this is not about you. Wouldn't call you out like that.

So, I decided to do a little dancing on Wednesday. I love the music at the club on Wednesdays, so it's pretty much my go out night. Plus, no school on Thursday. Yippee.
I was so happy to see an old friend come in after rarely venturing downtown. However, he went from the "I'm not getting drunk tonight" phase to "I can't stand up straight" rather quickly. So, realizing that 1.) it is a friend and 2.) We're liable if he decides to plow through all people, places, and things heading out of downtown, I'll drive him home. But I am beginning to notice an odd occurrence amongst wasted men I "kinda" know. As we get to his car, after arguing for awhile as to why he shouldn't drive, he tells me, "I wanna eat that pussy reeaalll bad." Hmmm. Now, I realize that for males in a world of quick, vigorous thrusting, this is one of the supreme offerings of caring. And, I am not saying that this activity is not enjoyable under certain circumstance, but, in trying to get your drunk ass in the car, I have to admit, flattery is lost and I am now looking at you not out of arousal, but out of annoyance. There we are, in a parking lot arguing about "eating my pussy". This is not how I like my courtship if anyone cares. Take note.
In the end, I told him he could munch away if he'd just get in the car and let me take him home. What do I do? Normally a good guy, a bit forward this evening. Still desperately in need of a ride.
I got him home, and alas, I turned down this offer. But it made me wonder, do guys think this is a good last call line? I mean, I've approached some sexy guys before, hell, I approached my boyfriend, but even in my most wasted of moments have I gone up to a guy at the end of the night and said, "Let me slob your knob, baby"? (And I can make my guy friends blush with cracking jokes of explicit content.) Especially if it is the person trying to help my drunk self? Nope. It made me feel weird and dirty as he slurred those words over and over so heavily that I felt like I had been drizzled in dirty sex syrup. I don't know what that is, but I needed a shower. You see my point I'm sure.
So, chalk it up to another night in the life.....but today.....oh today. Another guy, riding the Jager wave, came up to me as I closed and said, "God I could eat that pussy good." I would've left it alone if it was a random act, but now there's a pattern. I offer this. This plan of pussy attack will never work guys. Even as a single girl, this is just plain yicky. Work on a more subtle approach. Chug a case of beer at home and go to the mirror. See how sexy it is to have your eyes half shut, a little drool going, a hand on the counter to prop you up, while you continually spew such an entrancing word as "pussy". Remember, once good and drunk that hard "p" will send some spit my way too. If you can walk away from that moment thinking, "damn I'm sexy", roll with it. If you find it, well, gross and obnoxious, hang it up with the old letter jacket. Cause us ladies, or even us bar bitches, are just like "bleh". What happened to that good ol' "I love you man." Back in the day my friends.