I Seriously hate Brooke Hogan

I love me some good pop music. I have willfully bought in to Nick Lachey and I want what's left of him. I am glad that Mariah is back full force. I am glad for XXXtina too. i even watched the new Cheetah Girls movie on the Disney Channel. (Now I have said too much) But, I truly hate Brooke Hogan. We were all at the beach this weekend (which I have to say was awesome! And, I loved our room. Ram, Costa Rican Princess, and Mexilocks are my favorite people in the SA area, thus, there is no other hotel sleeping arrangement that I would have prefered.......well, unless Nomen were to magically show up. but that is beside the point. Every other room......drama. our room was a happy place. I love my friends.) But, back to the point. Late on Sunday night/Monday morning we are watching TV and Brooke's new video comes on. I flipped and refused to let anyone watch this trainwreck of a career. I hate her.......and this is why:

1.) Yes brooke, you are hot. I enjoy staring at you, but you can't sing. Thanks to technology, anyone can cut a good track. If there is enough reverb or if you whisper seductively, yes the untrained ear will say "wow, you don't suck", but I know the truth Brooke. Just like I know that Paris doesn't really sound like Gwen Stefani....So just because you kids can swizzle the hizzle a little, I am not fooled.

2.) Notice how if you know me 'swizzle the hizzle" seems weird to come out of my wording? There is a reason. Some things just don't come naturally to some people, it appears odd and contrived. I won't venture as far as TAN and make it a racial thing, because maybe you are some ghetto ass white rapper, maybe you are some snotty, yuppy black dude...it's cool. it's you. But Brooke, whoever said that wearing a diamond grill was a great concept was high. just because Paul Wall is in your video, it doesn't make it ok. You are here to be a puppet barbie doll. Do that. Wear the sparkles on your eyelashes or fingers. bend over in hot pants and have your vagina peeking out and encrusted in them, but leave them off your teeth.

3.) Stemming off that last one......why is someone working so hard to give this princess street cred? Paul Wall? Really? A dance off with some chicks who look a tad more tough than our little Brookie? (Which she doesn't even really dance more than some weak ass undulations. I think I could take her in a dance off. Actually, I will wager that. Brooke, if you are out there, I challenge you to a dance off. Come by the bar. anytime.) She does however do some tough moves such as the "whatchu got bitch?" shoulder shrug. And Paul, i realize there is alot of bling to pay for, but just because a god of the industry produces it, there are some times you just say no. Sellout.

4.) Finally, your lyrics are the same as Lindsey Lohans. (Yes, I realize I am losing all my musical credibilty in this blog.) I think she has the right to be sick of the press following her, but last I checked, you were being pimped by your parents. NO ONE EVEN KNEW YOU AND YOU WERE ON "CRIBS". YOU ARE ON A REALITY SHOW ON VH1. YOU ARE EVERYWHERE, FAMILY IN TOW, WHERE MAYBE JUST MAYBE, SOMEONE WILL WANT TO SHOW SOME INTEREST. Brooke, if you want some privacy, quit signing deals. We will leave you alone. You can retreat into that purple Rapunzel tower of a room and we will let you go. You are free.