D.R.

The sun is hot on my face and makes each breath seem heavier than the one before,
like the heightened sensations as I waited outside of her door.
I do not have the energy to do this today.
Maybe it would have been better to just fade away.
Each step. Each breath. Is riddled with dissonance of sight and sound........
and I can't keep up with Stu.
Somewhere. Sometime. I fell so far behind you.
And every child. And every womb. Is assauting me with that faint glimpse
of you. you. you.
Rocks keep slipping beneath each well thought out step,
I forgot to take those breaths,
And I can't climb that fast.
I stumbled and tumbled down into my past
fuck stuck, I am submerged.
Fighting the urge............
Should I just sit down and cry?
Footsteps behind
Footsteps ahead
a fragile version
of that unsaid.
I just can't keep up today.
Do I leave? Do I love? Do I fuck? Do I dream?
Do I cry? Do I wilt? Do I kick? Do I scream?
Do I fight? Do I fold? Do I smile? Do I crawl?
If I did.........
would you stop and look back at all?
so I keep going, robotic, on my own long walk.........hearing the gunshots all around.
And I plead it will not be me to hit the ground.
Then I notice I am still taking each step.