"I just wanna give a shout out to...."

Happy birthday Beebop! I love you! Stay gold...

Just say when

There are times in a world that is filled with the idea of buying someone a drink is a secured way to say, "hey, I think you're great", that it is just a very bad idea. I know as a bartender that sometimes as a customer you see someone hailing a drink for minutes on end, hell, maybe you've been this person, and you think A.) The bartender is not that busy, and B.) Hasn't he/she served every other person but_______--fill in name. Well no, I did not just lose my hearing or have some disease finally stricken my sight to not encompass the one spot where so and so stands, I am ignoring them. I am doing everything in my capability to NOT SERVE THIS PERSON. So, why the fuck are you going to swoop in and save the day by buying a drink and passing it over?
Example 1:
Sally came in looking very pretty. Looks like she had a long day at the office though and is eager to relax with her friends......cut to 45 minutes later. Sally is singing along with and making up a dance to "In My White Tee". Oh silly Sally, why are you giving that convention goer a lapdance in the corner? Sally is fun. She has made many new friends and is eager to meet many new people and, they are eager to meet her. But why is Dejenerate ignoring her? Surely she knows Sally! Everyone knows Sally!
Yes, I do know Sally. I know Sally is gonna do some guy on the bathroom sink and break it off the wall. I know Sally is going to vomit everywhere leaving an apple martini mess on the bar that yours truly gets to clean up. I know Sally is going to get in her car and kill herself and a family of five in a fiery wreck. Silly Sally, you can do so many cool tricks.
I'm sure you can see my point here. So don't try to run offense on my defensive game. Enjoy Sally. Talk to her. She is sure to entertain. But if you order drinks and I hear you hail our girl I will be forced to make everybody look ridiculous by taking it out of her hands like taking candy from a tantrum throwing two year old, scold you, and slam the drink because now no one's gonna tip so I might as well get a shot off it. Good times.
Example 2.:
(Note: anyone who knows me knows I love everybody. My bar is always filled with the richest of the rich and the poorest of the poor. And I know my homeless friends by name.[Hey Jesi, Mazzy Star never sounded so good.] It could be any of us in a bad roll from life.)
Larry has had a hard life. It's cool Dejenerate lets Larry come in and chill with his water and bums him smokes. Larry seems disconnected and left out. Why does Lonely Larry always keep to himself? Even Dejenerate steers clear of him and she talks to everybody. I want to say, "Hey Lonely Larry, this shot's for you!"
I do steer clear of Lonely Larry. Lonely Larry explained to me that pretty women make him mad. The government makes him mad. Trees make him mad. So I go off the assumption that Jager shots make him mad too. Learn it, love it. Some folks are just plain crazy. And though I've seen many a sane person drink themself crazy, I have yet to see a crazy person drink themself sane.

So, are we all on the same page now? Remember, I am like the hired babysitter and maybe the judgement calls should be left to me. If you think I suck because of this, then I will point you to a bar in any half block radius that can be responsible for our good friends and you. Better yet, buy me a shot instead. I might remember your name tomorrow.

The Dejenerate Mix

1.) Purple Ribbon Allstars----Kryptonite
2.) T. I.-----Whacha Know About That
3.) Beck(Air Remix)----Something Missing
And old school hit of the week: Journey----Don't Stop Believing

These are my songs on repeat for the week

Irony

Well, I had my constitutional law test this morning and it went, well, far less lovely than I had intended. I am a bit wordy, for those who don't know, and it is damn near impossible for me to complete 50 multiple choice questions and argue two court cases in essay form in 50 minutes. Can't help it. How these young whipper snappers are handing theirs in in 30 minutes blows my mind. But, what can you do?
However, the one thing I wanted to tell the teacher as he hovered over my desk saying, "You're done. I must leave", (He did this twice as I did the "what hasn't come up in a while" quick selection for the ten or so questions I was unsure of ) is that maybe if he put the same time into writing the test as I put into taking it, perhaps his published self wouldn't have misspelled "constitutional" four times along with having the grammatical and spelling errors of a third grader's book report. Am I bitter.....ok...I am. So what? But for those of us who copy edited the school paper and such, a test needs to be in finalized proofread form, or it just slows me down all the more.

Fun with Moral Decay

I realize that each generation has its own style that leaves us old cats left scratching our heads, but I'm truly having a problem with 12 year old girls sporting terry cloth daisy dukes with "Juicy" on their ass. Ok, it's a problem I see with any age female wearing these cutie pie pants, because it's evolved. Now the female ass has become a modern day sandwich board for such savvy declarations as "hottie" or "sassy". So, after holding a think tank discussion at the bar, I have decided to combat this phenom by counter attack. Enter my new line...."Dirty Whore". I plan to market such catchy words as "Skanky" and "Itchy". Maybe "Bloody" for that time of the month. Hey, day of the week panties caught on, why not time of the month shorts?(In black of course). I think after men catch a glimpse of these little teasers, they will be so scarred that their eyes will be trained in a Pavlov like manner to never sneak a peek again. Hey, I love girly shit as much as the next little diva, but my ass speaks for itself in a pair of tight pants.
Maybe I'm on this rant because one of my very smartest friends just told me her little sister has announced that she wants to be a dancer in rap videos when she grows up. (Damn those Pussycat Dolls). Now, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I do have the goal of being in a 50 Cent video someday, hey, I'm gonna be 30. Sounds fun.------But, I also plan to spend a year in the Sudan and lobby for blanket health care and living conditions for every American....see...yen and yang. There's a balance. So where are the shorts that say "Smart"?
Now I'm just rambling, but I can't end this without inviting MTV to pick up my new show. It's called "My Super Realistic 30". It will include things like, making sure the rent is paid before I treat myself to a new pair of shoes. The food will be Taco Cabana and the guests will bring their own. And if I mouth off to my mom and call her a fucking bitch, I'll get knocked out to this day, because I was raised with pants that didn't make me feel I was a "DIVA" because they cost $50 and read it across my ass.

WWJD?

Seriously, if you feel the need to express your devotion to Jesus by plastering his name all over your minivan, you are exactly the exemplary Christian that I expect not to cut me off in traffic, flip me off, and damn near run me off the road. Jesus wouldn't like that.

Weird

In theory, Boolean principle in philosophy was enabled with the idea that whenever two opposing sides had an argument, through the use of proofs, validity could thus be established and only one correct conclusion could be reached. Language in argument would be rendered virtually useless and every crisis could be solved lickety split. Lovely. I guess I even like the idea in theory. Wouldn't it be nice to list every question that runs circles in my mind keeping me awake each night, write out the premise to each quandry, and the solve it with my "symbol" math skills. God I hate logic. No problem in my life has ever been solved with mere logic. Well one. And now it is like a festering wound that I try to keep covered with Vicodin bandaids until it is healed over enough to face open air. Why is it a never ending median? Because sometimes there is no place to turn around. We just keep moving forward. And, here's my question to Dr. Vissintainer as he wants to do away with language and solve every crisis with a proof, what do you do when the opposing sides are your heart and your brain.

Losing my cyber virginity

So I said I would never even have E-mail, let alone have a computer, but I digress. I needed a vent to spew all of my daily soapbox rants and feel published in my own mind: enter this blog. So here I am world. To annoy, stimulate (the mind hopefully), and perhaps even entertain a wee bit. So welcome. This should be groovy.