"I just wanna give a shout out to...."

Superstar, I love you. Who the hell can I call at 10:30 and say hey, I need you to fill in on my paper because my group fell off and I need this researched and a page of summary....oh yeah and it's due in an hour. You saved my ass tonight and I love you. And, we cited you as a contributing member because plagerism is bad. I cannot say thank you enough. As of 11:57, the paper was in. three minutes to spare. Or, perfect in Dejenerate time. So, from Toya and myself, you are officially a rockstar.

Sleep is for Wussies

My very favorite part of going to college and managing a bar/nightclub? The nights I start to get tired and I realize that I still have roughly 42 hours to stay awake for. Yes! I vow that I will never take summer school again. To everyone who said "it's a little extra work to do in a 6 week period, but it gets classes out of the way," and then smiled to my face........Childbirth is uncomfortable, but it's not that bad. yeah. Never again. I have consumed my body weight in Mountain Dew in the past 48 hours. And all I am "Dewing" (delerious-he he) is X-treme studying. Now that would be a good commercial. Call me market reps. I need the money for law school.

A Touch of Justice

Former President of Liberia, Charles Taylor has been extradited to the Netherlands to face formal charges of war crimes. Mind you, he sought asylum in Nigeria, and though he is rumored to have video tapes documenting some of the torturous murders of his own people, the US never sanctioned any type of trade embargos with Nigeria....Interesting. Since we are so busy fighting for human rights in Iraq and all. His crimes against humanity make Saddam look like a cute little kitten. I try to not judge my fellow man on Earth because...gulp...as a religious woman(yeah, I said it) I believe that that higher power gets the final word, but I can't help it here. I hope you burn, Taylor. You earned it.

The Family

So yesterday was up there on the list of being one of the worst days of my life, and for once i'm gonna keep the details to myself. But, needless to say, I lost it. I am normally pretty good at painting on the smile for work. Sure, a couple people have seen a tear or two, but i am normally pretty tough. Yesterday, not so much. but I realized somthing. As I called my Costa Rican Princess, she covered for me at work until i could compose myself a little. thought i had it, but got there and between the puffiness and the few tears that slipped out, I became the one thing I can't afford to be at the bar.....vulnerable. Who wants to see a crying bartender? I'm the one who comforts my customers, not the other way around. But my regulars swooped in. Lots of hugs and words of encouragement. Then, as the shift ended, I began to close out, and as my Cocktail Queen, Texas Teacup, and Boobalicious were sitting with me and the floodgates opened. i broke down completely. We're talking full on waterworks and sobs. It took about two seconds for them to pack me and all the money and paperwork up and get me out of there. They finished my work and did the girl circle until i calmed down. They were supportive and awesome to me. Texas Teacup stayed with me all night, me looking all busted and not wanting to drink, but not ready to go home to an empty house. I stayed with the fam until about 4:30. What's the point of all this? i realized how blessed I am. How many jobs, let alone in this biz, can you fall off and have a group that cradles you until you can be tough again? i now know why no one leaves this bar. Our regulars, employees......you gotta wait years to get on at this place unless you were there from the get go and then you don't leave. Our regulars are loyal and like pitbulls if you try to come at one of us. We are truly a big family. A real one. We fight and cry and laugh and love each other. So, here's my shoutout. I love that bar and I love all of you guys so much. I don't want to sound too negative, but if you hadn't been there for me yesterday, I might not have been able to hold on. You rescued me last year when my options were limited, you gave me a shot at the next level, and you give me strength when I don't have it. i never thought I'd make friends like back in high school....you get used to goin it alone more as an adult. But that bar is special. so when people want to know how we keep steady when others struggle with numbers and why people don't find a better bar.........well, I don't think there is one. thanks guys.

A Big Shoutout

ok, so I am almost thirty and I should long be over my "Love Parade" lust, but alas, I am not. I am off to the wonderful land of Switzer this summer and will be attending "Street Parade". A giant party promoting peace, love, and tolerance thru music, dance, nudity, and drugs. "Free Your Mind...Don't Be Blind" is the theme this year. So, thanks to a far too generous friend, I am off to find myself in Europe. I plan to visit old churches, spin wildly while singing in the Alps, see my godson, see one of my dearest friends who I haven't seen in almost 9 years, eat a ton of chocolate and very rank cheese, and finally dance with abandon in the streets of Zurich. That is what keeps me smiling right now. Every time I get pissed, I focus on the Swiss Miss and our plans. This is my plan to regroup and find some enlightenment concerning what has been the hardest two years of my life. So Switzerland, I love you. You have been sent to save me you neutral country you. Thank you Swiss miss. You are an angel.

The dejenerate Mix

It is time for the new soundtrack of my life. I actually made a full CD. Needed something to pump me up as I have felt rather discouraged of late. So here it is.
1.) "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap......I want to put some ketchup on this song and eat it. The sad thing is, I stumbled onto it on another blog and now it is the official season finale song from "The OC". Thus, I question my own musical taste.
2.) "What About Me" by Moving Pictures........Do you love a good 80's power ballad? Are you tired of giving 100% and getting a box of hair in return from life? Well, this is your song.
3.) "Vienna" by Ultravoxx........How did I not know this song existed until now? Mind Blowing!
4.) "Birthday" by the Sugarcubes........Bijork at vocal perfection. She is a genius and the the song is haunting and vocally experimental, yet melodic at the same time. I bow down to her.
5.) "Amazing Grace" by Ani Difranco.......Yes, I love sacred music, but this is on a whole new level.
6.) "Seasons of Love" from "Rent".........Like the movie version best, strictly for the solo at the end.
7.) "Trouble" by Coldplay..........Sad, yet.....no, just sad. But pretty.
8.) "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen.......This song will forever make me want to quit my job and school, flip everyone the finger, and run off into the sunset with the love of my life. You just feel all the cooler when Bruce is on.
9.) "The Food" by Common/Kanye.......Ummmmm. More ketchup please.
10.) "Shine" by David Gray.........It is crucial to have the live version of this song or all is lost. But live......I can conquer the world type shit.
11.) "Fallin" by De La Soul/Teenage Fanclub.........Does anyone remember the soundtrack to the movie this is from and all the initial mash-ups it had? (Yes, I know you do Jesi, as I stole it from you. So what was it called again?) But this one is gooood.
12.) "All the Things That I've Done" by the Killers.........The video killed this song, it should have been left as a hidden treasure that only those who had the album would know, but alas, can't argue a fine song such as this.
13.) "One" by U2/Mary J. Blige.........."Achtung Baby" was the first CD I ever owned and I used to listen to this song on repeat. Whoever had the initial idea to remake it with Mary should get a Grammy. Just for "Best Addition of an Artist Who Takes a Song to a Whole New Level of Mindblowingly Awesome". I wish I could pipe this one into Nomen's brain on a daily basis.
14.) "King Without a Crown" by Matisyahu.........So maybe his star crossed the sky quickly, but this song makes me want to get up in the morning. And I like the sacred stuff still.
15.) "Not Worried At All" by Moby..........Old school gospel meets delicate electro waves. Beautiful and inspiring, like Moby himself.
16.) "Tomorrow Wendy" by Concrete Blonde........OK, maybe not a huge pick me up, but some lovely vocals and insight.
17.) "They Don't Know About Us" by Tracy Ullman.......You know that one song that always comes on while you are at the grocery store that you would never admit to liking, but it makes you want to release the binding grip on the cart and spin through the aisles of the store? This is mine. I outted myself.
18.) "I Can" by Nas..........So the hook is mildly irritating, but everyone still sings along. And a great premise.
So that is where I'm at right now. Playing this in my car, my stereo, my computer, and my brain 24/7 to keep me going while it feels like a never ending battle of crap right now.

Not Tolerating Intolerance

Where is the line of what is funny and what is bigotted bullshit? See, I suspended an employee for calling another employee a "nigger" last week and I have been deemed the unreasonable one. The weird part is, think about it , in a group of people who are all the same race as each other, who calls the other out for racism on a regular basis? Do you just sit there and laugh as long as it is in the company of everyone who is the same color, creed, etc? Is racism OK behind closed doors? Have we all become Dave Chappelle and feel we can get away with picking on a group for the sake of a good laugh and as long as everyone is equally picked on? I've had to deal with some weird racial shit this week and anyone who knows me knows that I have never been a fan. The odd part is that I have become the odd one out. FYI: I was told this employees use of the word is a joke. So, in that case, I would say I dare him to make the exact same statement in front of the other employee and go for the laugh....or ass kicking as that would probably be the response. It's kinda like introducing two friends of mine to each other. one reaches over and touches the others hair and says, "oh my God, it's so nappy!" there are just some things that are not appropriate.
I don't know why I am so upset over all of this, but I am over having to explain to my people what is not ok to say. I am over "the cracka crackdown" on TAN's website. I am over being called white girl in every language at the bar as the appropriate name to get my attention. I am over Burger King's and McDonald's target marketing that is all but short of being clips from some really bad blacks-ploitation mini films. I am tired of taking it seriously and looking like the bad guy because I don't get the joke. here's my thought. Whatever the joke is, find the group it makes fun of. Tell them. If they all have a whooping belly laugh with ya, go for it you racist, sexist pain in the ass. if you get your ass whooped, maybe I am not the sensitive whistle blower of the group. I have the same level of tolerance for this stuff as I did in high school with my skinhead friends. So yes, I am solely trying to combat this type of crap. Hell, I'm going to school in the hopes that some of the lobbying I do will end it on the macro level. Until then, I am fighting it on a micro level. And yes, my boyfriend is black. And yes, he has pulled some fucked up shit, but if you have the nerve to link those two together, I will probably swing at ya. Not because I think I am black. Not because he has brainwashed me of my whiteness, but because you are an out of line idiot. I am mad and sad and amazed at the level of intolerance I have been seeing of late. I left my small town with the idea I would escape these attitudes, but if that is not the case, I will fight it. I stand by the decision i made. I told the employee who was called the name that, three weeks ago when a bar regular called him the same thing and spit in his face, my job as a fellow employee with some say, is to protect him from that. And I meant it. maybe some others did not.
So, will I get in more trouble for writing this? Probably. But this blog is at least as honest as I get for those of you who read it on the regular. So, consider my stand taken. and, if anyone out there has some ideas about it let me know. I just can't pretend I am over it and OK with it.

Networking

Maybe the amount of time that I am putting into school is leaving me a little flaky of late, but I have been having some awesome ideas. One goes back a little though. Back in the day when it was virtually impossible to catch me at a time of day when I was not completely stoned out of my mind, I would indulge jesi with every random idea that crossed through my wacky brain. We would have some serious downtime on roadtrips and such, so we had some good ones. Since she was not stoned however, i was more of the entertainment.
Recently, we discovered one of my personal favorites. Jesi was a computer geek by 93,94, maybe earlier and I just didn't know her yet. I was a stoner. So, what about a crime drama in which i would take bong rips all day and come up with crazy ideas of how crime and caper were linked together and she would do the research and crazy hacking projects to solve our mystery? I could go undercover, she could be in the van out front with the headphones. Very "Cagney and Lacey", but with an edge. We would live in New York, very fabulous. The best part was the other day when the title hit me. Jesi is shy and quiet, I was a crazy stoner, thus........."Stonesky and Hush". So, I am tired and stressed, but that just cracks me up every time. Even now. chucklin'.

Songs of Freedom

So, you may remember the Pet Revolution of a short time back, but as I got home at 5:30 this morning, I was tired. I had been up since 8am and have slept all of 15 hours this week. Plus, I had been out with some friends and had the post party blahs, (i.e. lack of coordination, stingy eyes from smokey clubs, etc.) What a great time for Ike to decide to make a break for it. We had already gone for a long walk and Lila had eaten a large amount of grass. (I am not sure if this was some decoy plan where my attention would be diverted or not. You decide.) But as I went to take Lila out so she could finish the latter of her binge/purge process, Ike made his move. Now, my apartment is not the most well lit and Ike is fast and black. I spent a good hour chasing and trying to locate him sans my night vision goggles. He came up with this game of disappearing into the trees, and then running up on me out of nowhere almost to taunt me only to run off into the dark night again. Now, when Nomen was here, Ike took off with Lila one day. And Ike LOVES Nomen, but still wouldn't pause long enough to be taken into custody. When asked how Nomen captured him quickly, he replied, "I decided that dog wouldn't outrun me." Simple enough. However, Nomen's track experience and general quickness made this a feasible plan. At 5am, hell at 3pm, dejenerate doesn't like to run. I realized this was my only option. Yea morning run. I ran after that dog through mud and parked cars and through apartment breezeways basically until Ike got bored with chase and probably felt sorry for his smoker of a guardian who was well on her way to coronary, and sat down. I should apologize to all my neighbors who heard a winded, cussing woman run past their doors and windows in the wee hours of morning. Ike, you win. You can outrun me. And I am getting to the point that if you think you got it so much better out there, just go. Alright. I don't mean that. Who knows, maybe this is the workout plan I need. It's running, but with an immediate goal and reward. Or maybe I just need to invest in some blowdarts.